"Wei Ying would never squander it, has not squandered it," Lan Zhan says, wishing so badly he could make this right. He wishes he could reach in and pull out all the affection he has for Wei Ying and show him, show him how much he thinks of him.

He remembers clutching at him that night at the river, hazy memories of leaning in for one of the only proper hugs he's allowed and certainly the first he's initiated. This one is not quite as gentle, as his arms jerk Wei Ying towards him more than anything but he is unpracticed.

"Wei Ying is good," he murmurs, hoping he is not holding too tightly. "Never wanted anyone, before. But I want you. Wei Ying is good."